all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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