This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize