Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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