Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize