Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
