I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
