Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
