If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
