He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
