im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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