Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
