funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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