I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
