I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
