i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
