Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
