Welp...herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
