Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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