But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
