so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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