the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
