Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
