i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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