Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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