also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
