what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
