Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
