Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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