that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
