i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
