Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
