I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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