Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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