I want to make a zoo with you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
