If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
