My hand turned me down
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
