his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Girls should come with a carfax report
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
