the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
