he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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