Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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