I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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