theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
