Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
