no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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