Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
