Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
