This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
