my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
