Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
