You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize