Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
