So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
