well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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