When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize