Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
