My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
