clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
