I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
