I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
