What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
