Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
