he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
