Is it because I queefed?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
