Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
