I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
