So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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