it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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