there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
