I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
