I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
