i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
