So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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