I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
