I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
