i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
