You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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