you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
