32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
