Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize