Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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